Random Thoughts

Okay, my thoughts are kind of all over the place today, so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense! First off, the Today show did a special segment on infertility that I thought was pretty interesting. You can find it at Rethinking Infertility if you want to check it out. It really made me realize how vast and varied infertility really is. Every story is different and yet the heart of matter is always the same. Some of the things that stood out to me: In one of the video segments a woman said that if you want to be a parent it will happen someway, somehow. I firmly believe that. I have to believe that! It's going to happen one way or another. Not having a family is not an option! Whether it's this next round of IVF or adoption...it's going to happen for us.
Another woman talked about going through IVF and when she found out that she had finally succeeded she had two emotions, the first was pure joy and the next was sadness for all of the women who were getting that call right then that it didn't work out and she said, "it's an emotional rollercoaster." It's so true! I've found myself so attached to this network of women dealing with infertility and I want so much for each of them to realize their dreams of having a baby. Infertility is truly an emotional rollercoaster, one where you're not sure whether they've laid the tracks out before you or if you're going to plummet to the ground.
And just a touch of irony--one of the commercials on during the segments (I watched them on the web) was for Always maxipads. Their new slogan is "Every period a happy one, Always." Not the best advertisement to have during an infertility fest...just thought it was funny.
Next random thought. My faculty at school is going through the annual guess-who's-pregnant fest. It doesn't help that our vp and another teacher are both pregnant and due tomorrow. They both have the same due date, how crazy is that? And by the way, I'm not bitter toward either of them...one of the pregos is one of my best friends, and I'm completely happy for her. And why is that my hand is always just drawn to touch that bulging belly of hers? It's just so beautiful. I guess I just get a little down when all the talk is pregnancy talk and there's big guess-when-the-baby will come and name-the-baby posters hanging in the faculty lounge and there just doesn't seem to be anywhere to take a break from it all. You know the feeling where it seems like everywhere you look there are pregnant women or women with newborns. Well, to make matters worse, now there are all of these rumors flying around of who's pregnant now or who's going to be pregnant soon. Part of me doesn't want to be a part of the rumors because it's like salt in an open wound but then part of me would be offended if I wasn't part of the rumors, like I'm not good enough to be pregnant?!
And yesterday I had the stomach flu or food poisoning or something that made me completely miserable. I was exhausted, nauseated, couldn't keep anything in me, and felt just plain sick. I managed to drag myself through the school day and then just went home and slept and cried and slept. Then today I had two people ask me if I was sick yesterday because I was maybe pregnant. Nope, it was just meaningless sick, no good cause, just bad food probably. When will the day come when I can stop announcing my non-pregnancy? When can I be sick for a good reason? Some day...and believe me I'm not so naiive that I think that someday I will glory in the morning sickness and other woes of pregnancy. No, I probably won't wake up every morning puking and grinning from ear to ear about it. I'm sure I'll complain. But at least I'll always know that it's at least puking with a purpose. And I'll have a good excuse for being sick (a much better excuse than a sausage/pepperoni pizza). Is that so much to ask?
Anyway, sorry for being so random today. I realize I've probably been a trite negative too. I'll try to be more cheery next time! I just needed a little venting. I feel better already! And lest I forget, here's what I'm thankful for today: the technology that makes it possible for people who once thought it impossible to have children to finally have those children. Thank you technology!