Infertility in the Media

So I've noticed lately that there seems to be more and more infertility on TV. I think there's pros and cons to this. Pro-finally infertility is beginning to 'come out of the closet' and not be seen as something to be ashamed of. It gives a little bit of balance to Hollywood's baby craze of recent years. Con-sometimes it's kind of hard to watch people dealing with infertility on TV when you're living it everyday. And sometimes when infertility isn't dealt with realistically, it tends to make me kind of angry. For example, one of my favorite shows is Ghost Whisperer. Sidenote: Hubbie isn't generally very much into television while I am very much into watching TV. Generally, he doesn't watch shows with me, but every once-in-awhile I can get him to watch the Ghost Whisperer with me-mainly because he thinks Jennifer Love Hewitt is hot and she often runs around scantily clad while talking to ghosts. I'm not sure if this is a win situation, but I do get to cuddle with Hubbie and watch my fave show, so I guess I'll accept my losses and move on!
Anyway, back to infertility and the Ghost Whisperer. So Melinda (Hewitt) and her husband have finally decided to try to start a family. For the first few seasons, Melinda wasn't too keen on having children-she had some unresolved issues, one of which was how to deal with seeing dead people and having a baby at the same time. But then they started to try and get pregnant but were having difficulties. Then all of a sudden, in one of the episodes, Melinda finds out that there is a pill that she can take that will make it possible for her to have a baby. So after that episode, I felt a little angry with the writers because they made it too easy. And I worried that maybe some other women dealing with infertility would get more frustrated with their situation because it wasn't that easy. I know, I know, it's just a show, but these are the things that go through my mind (to think I watch TV to relax. Ha!). So this is what I was thinking, and I was getting ready to give up my Ghost Whisperer addiction, but then I decided to give it one more chance and in the next episode, they kill off Melinda's husband. Then I was extremely angry because just when things were going to get better for her, she was going to be able to have a baby...it was a low blow. And then I was fuming. She's been dealing with dead people's problems for years now and then infertility and then they kill her husband?! Why do they have to be so hard on the poor girl? Have the writers no mercy? If you haven't figured it out by now, I think I'm a nutcase. These are truly the thoughts that go through my head at any given moment...sad.

Let us move on to other examples of infertility in the media. The Practice deals with quite a few infertility issues since that's what some of the doctors do on that show. But I don't watch that show very often...it's up against another show that I love. And I've heard that on a certain soap opera there's been a some different infertility issues with some of the characters. I've just heard this from a friend of a friend, mind you. I would never waste my time watching that mindless, trashy stuff. Though if I did occassionally catch a couple of hours, I would have to admit that I find Sonny from GH very sexy...or so my friend of a friend thinks, anyway.

Well, the other day I was watching another one of my addictions, ER, and they have one of the doctors going through infertility. She lost a young child a few years back and she and her husband have just begun to try to have a baby. Because she is older, her chances were pretty slim, so she decided to go with IVF. This past week she went through the egg retrieval. It was heart wrenching because she told her husband that if it was bad news she wanted to hear it from him. And so just when she wakes up from the anesthetics, her husband comes and holds her and breaks the news to her that the retrieval was unsuccessful. The acting was incredible-I recognized the pain she was portraying. I know that hurt. I had to remind myself, again, that it's just a show so that I wouldn't do something crazy like send a letter of condolesences, a tub of icecream, and giant stuffed animal off to Angela Bassett (the actor who plays Dr. Banfeld).

Anyway, now you know what's in my head. I could go on and on. I haven't even touched on movies yet...Baby Mama...Juno...but I think I'll call it a night!

New Year's Resolution 1032: Be a Better Blogger.

Wow...I just noticed that it has almost been a month since my last entry. I have many excuses, but no reasons really. Every year I forget how crazy December and January can be for me. I had so many wonderful things I was going to write too. I had Christmas carols for the infertile...

Have yourself a very fertile Christmas...

I'm dreaming of a fertile Christmas,
Just like the ones the other girls know...

To name a few. I had rantings and ravings about this and that. I wanted to write poetry and inspirational stuff. But, alas, time flew by and here I am too tired to really remember what I wanted to write about when I began this entry a few minutes ago. Oh well.
As for the baby-front: I'm trying to decide whether or not I should do another laparoscopy. I'm planning on doing my 4th and final round of IVF this summer and really want everything to be in tip top shape. And my periods have been getting more and more painful like they were in the past. If I decide to do it, I should probably do it soon so that I'll be ready for the summer. But then part of me remembers the last time...the worst part is the gas they fill you up with. And I remember the first time I woke up at home and tried to use the bathroom...not a pleasant memory. And then I feel a little guilty because my poor husband sacrifices so much. For example, he has this dumb broken tooth that he keeps putting off getting fixed because I tend to use up all the money for my medical bills. But then I think that if this is really going to be my last try at IVF, I really want to know that I did everything in my power to make things work. Maybe I should just talk to my doctor and see what he thinks...
For now I think I just need to go to bed.

Be Nice, Infertile Myrtle! Be Nice!

The crazy, bitter Infertile Myrtle of yesterday has now left the building. Children, it is safe to come out of hiding now...
Like I said, I figured I would be over it soon enough, and I am. And actually I have been taught a lesson. See, after my ranting and raving yesterday, I went to bed. Hubbie had already gone to bed and was completely hogging the covers. (Generally, I'm the one hogging the covers, so I'm not holding this against him)! Being a sometimes-good person and seeing how cute Hubbie looked snoring away all wrapped up in 4-layers of blankets (a 4-layer dip, haha), I decided to make do with this little blanket I affectionately call my woobie. Apparently, some time in the middle of the night however, I found myself freezing cold, didn't feel like a good person anymore, and Hubbie wasn't looking so cute, so I attempted to reach over and steal away some of the covers. Well, as I was trying to steal the covers, somehow I managed to pinch a nerve or something which actually caused me to yelp in pain. Then when I woke up in the morning I discovered that it had gotten worse. Now trying to hold anything heavier than 2 ounces causes this spot just under my right shoulder blade to throb with pain or also doing anything small with my right hand (like brushing my teeth or hair, or even typing) also causes sharp pains in that spot. And I can't run around flapping my arms like a bird. I don't know how I possibly could have caused such damage by just trying to steal a blanket or two, so my conclusion is that this is punishment for the mean things I said yesterday. Lesson learned: Being mean is literally a pain in the neck!
But don't worry about me being in pain, dear readers, as long as I can still reach out and bring handfuls of the yummy treats to my mouth that neighbors and friends have given me so far, I'll be okay!

A Moment of Ranting and Insensitivity

**I have edited/deleted much of this post. The bitter feelings that I previously expressed have been gnawing at my conscience. The person who I lashed out at didn't deserve the attack, and I'm sorry for the words I said and hope that I can be a better person from here on out!
I'm realizing that infertility is like a tiger. There are times when I think I've got it tamed and under control, and then there are times when it really shows its teeth and tries to eat me alive. Because a tiger, no matter how tame, is still a tiger after all. Sorry!

Bring It On!

I realize that I haven't blogged for awhile. I would like to believe in my fantasy world that there are thousands of disappointed readers out there just waiting for my next blog entry, but in reality I know I'm the one who has really been missing it. =)
Well, life has been interesting. My poor dog, Gimli, is finally on the mends. It has been a month and a half saga for the poor guy-pain, a messy house, running home from work to let him out, multiple times during the night getting up to let him out, loads of laundry, weeks spent at the vet's, worry, and exhaustion. Hubbie and I have been walking around like zombies! And poor Gimli was getting the worst of it. A sad but funny story. A few weeks ago, Hubbie was really struggling with whether or not we had made the right choices in having Gimli get the operation(s). His problem was that we had spent all of this money and put the poor dog through so much and was it for our own selfish purposes or for the dog's best interests? He made a comment that Gimli wasn't the same dog anymore-he just mopes around the house; he's in pain; he's back and forth to the vet; and when was the last time he brought his bear to show us and play with or when was the last time he tried to climb up on our lap? Hubbie then said that maybe we should have just put him down in the first place. Well, during this conversation, Gimli was lying in the hall and heard the whole thing, and I truly believe he understood the whole thing. Hubbie had to go to a meeting, but when he got back a couple hours later, Gimli dashed for his bear and went loping up to Hubbie to show him the bear. Then later that night, at dinner, Gimli jumped up and tried to climb onto Hubbie's lap. It was as if Gimli were trying to say, "Hey! I'm still here! You better not even think of getting rid of me!" Finally, after more vet visits than I like to think about, a visit with a specialist, and more drugs than a pharmacy, Gimli is feeling and looking so much better. He's back to his old, mischievious, loving, in-charge self. And it's wonderful!
Now granted, some people might say, "He's just a dog! Why would you possibly go through so much for just a dog?" In fact, someone did tell me that I should have just put him down. But I just couldn't do it at this point in my life. I'll fully admit that because of my infertility and lack of children of my own, I have showered all of my motherly affections on my dog. However, I think more than that, I just needed to hold onto some kind of hope. I needed something that I was hoping for to just work out for me.
So, the past couple of months have been stressful. With Gimli being sick, and Hubbie had the flu at one point, and he's been stressed with school and work and life...and ever since I had pneumonia, I've never really gotten totally better. After I got over the pneumonia, I had all sorts of stomach problems and found out that the antiobiotics I had taken, caused me to get an intestinal infection. Then I caught a cold. And then I had this hacking cough for awhile. And now I still wake up with a sore throat every morning. What I really think would make me better is a Caribbean cruise, but at this point, I'll take a few days of some good old fashioned rest and relaxation! On top of all of this, my car broke down last week--and not one of those cheap fixer-uppers either. It got to the point where I was just feeling so worn down that I got a little Rambo-ish. I felt like shouting out, "Bring it on!" to life. "I can take whatever you dish out!" At that moment, I could have followed a fire truck driving to my house and discovered my home engulfed in flames and just thought, "Oh, well." But then I got to thinking that my trials really aren't half or even an eighth as bad as some of the trials that others are facing right now--loss of employment, losing one's home in foreclosure, terminal illness, homelessness, death of a loved one--and then I mended my ways, apologized to life, and decided that I was okay with the trials that I have. I remembered that life truly is a gift and that I better start appreciating it. It's so easy to get focused on my own problems and then they look so big and I lose perspective of just how wonderful and blessed my life truly is. Because I really do have it pretty darn good!
However, I do hope that no one in my family minds that they are all get macaroni necklaces or macaroni portraits for Christmas...

Making Lemonade out of Lemons

This is our new and improved, million dollar, bionic dog. As you can see from his expression, Gimli does NOT like being a cone head. However, being a 'the-glass-is-half-full' kind of dog, Gimli decided to make lemonade out of life's lemons and put his cone-head to good use...
...raking leaves. The cone ended up being very useful in scooping up the leaves. Unfortunately, Gimli didn't quite understand the idea of making piles of leaves; he's more of a leaf-flinger. But I give him an A for effort and admire his good attitude. If only we could all be as optimistic as my dog!

This last picture is Gimli after a hard day's work. Even the most optimistic dog needs a break every now and then!

www.2ofus4now.org

I just stumbled across this website: www.2ofus4now.org, and can I say I am just so impressed. I am definitely going to take some time to check all of this out! While looking at some of the links I found this poem that really hit me right at the heart. The author is unknown but whoever it was that wrote this really captured my feelings and really inspired me today. So here's the poem. Go to the website for more great inspiration and thoughts!

Wait
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, 'Child, you must wait'.
'Wait? You say, wait! ' my indignant reply.
'Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By Faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I can relate
hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, 'You must wait.'
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
and grumbled to God, 'So, I'm waiting.... for what?'
He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, 'I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want But, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save.... (for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.
You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for Thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!
So, be silent, My Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, 'WAIT.'